God has been teaching me a lot about dependency lately. Shortly after receiving my 2nd dose of the Pfizer vaccine, I began experiencing acute neurological side effects. For the past two weeks, I’ve been having seizure-like episodes, countless panic attacks, stuttering when I talk, and experiencing debilitating fatigue that leaves me unable to do the simplest task.
With that, I’ve been relying on family and friends to help do the things I can’t.
I began to feel hopelessness creep in as the end of this is nowhere in sight. All medical tests are coming back normal, but my symptoms progress. Immediately, I felt God whisper to me:
“Andrea, don’t focus on what you can’t do. Focus on the outpouring of love from others who can do for you and your family. Dependency is not about what you can’t do. Dependency is about what I can do. Remain in me. Abide with me. I will take care of you. Both through my Holy Spirit and through my hands and feet represented by your family and friends”
What a reframe.
Friend, I don’t know what you’re facing today, but I encourage you to join me in abiding with Christ through this storm. I know endurance and perseverance are not easy. It’s hard to keep going when there’s no end in sight to your pain. But sometimes, the destination (or the end of our pain) is not the goal. Many times, it’s the journey. It’s depending on Jesus and His love and His hope no matter what we face. No matter what is physically or mentally being robbed from us.
In John 15, Jesus asks us to remain in His LOVE. To keep His command to love one another as He loves us. Just as He keeps His command to the Father to remain in His love. Abiding and dependency are both about love. Receiving and giving love over and over and over again from being attached to Him.
Receive today, my friend. Receive as you abide.
HOPE FROM SCRIPTURE
Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials,
for we know that they help us develop endurance.
And endurance develops strength of character,
and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.
And this hope will not lead to disappointment.
For we know how dearly God loves us,
because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
R O M A N S 5 : 1 – 5 // N L T
A PRAYER TO REFRAME DEPENDENCY
Thank you for your faithfulness to me no matter what my circumstance. Thank you for being the vine that stays healthy and flourishing no matter how ill I become. Thank you for taking care of me when I can’t take care of myself.
To be honest, I don’t know how to be dependent very well. Like my children wanting to do everything themselves, I rarely realize how needy I am until something physically or mentally holts me. I know you’re not punishing me, God. But I know you do want to teach me something through this trial.
Lord, I want to believe you can heal me. I want to believe you still work miracles. Help my unbelief. Give me faith.
And help my eyes be open to all the ways you are working. Your healing and miracles may not come in the ways I expect. But you are at work. Give me faith to believe that. Even when I can’t see it. Even when I can’t feel it. Help me never stop believing you are working. You are working in me and you are working through me.
In Your Holy name I pray, Amen.
MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS PODCAST INTERVIEWS
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I’m excited to have been interviewed on TWO podcasts to talk about my journey through anxiety and depression as a Christian.
Listen in below! 🎙
Interview with Phylis Mantelli and Rhonda Velez @24CarotConversations
Interview with Ashley Henriott @MotherhoodUnfiltered
I was privileged to be on the launch team for this incredibly important book. My recommendation could not be high enough. If you or someone you love struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts, this book is for you.
Buy I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die by Sarah J. Robinson anywhere books are sold.
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